We grow up thinking that falling in love will give us our “happily ever after”, but that’s nothing more than a fairytale.
That doesn’t mean that relationships are all doom-and-gloom. But you have to work hard to give yourself that happily ever after. It doesn’t just come naturally from finding yourself a good match.
Most relationship experts will all agree on one thing: communication is key to a long-term partnership.
Communication doesn’t just mean talking to each other about your days, either. Communication lets you explain to your partner what your needs are, helping the two of you to feel more connected.
Many of us assume that our partners are mind-readers, but in most cases, if you don’t ask, you don’t get.
And that’s not something to be offended about, either. The quicker you can get used to the idea that your partner isn’t as intuitive as you’d like them to be, the better.
Mat Boggs is an expert dating coach, and has produced hundreds of helpful videos for couples.
One of his most popular videos covers a subject that most of us struggle with: disagreements.
In his video, Mat explains exactly how to communicate during a fight, and things you should never say.
It can be easy to get worked up in the heat of the moment, but that’s how terrible things can end up being said – things that stick with you for the rest of your life.
According to Mat, here are 5 things you should never do in an argument:
1. No Name-Calling
Name-calling is degrading – it’s the number one way to disrespect someone. Telling your partner that they’re selfish, a jerk, or whatever else comes to mind, is completely off-limits.
2. No Labeling
Labeling is similar to name-calling, but with a difference: it’s when you put a name-call on a behavior or an action. You might say, “You selfishly showed up late that night”, or, “You rudely didn’t call me back”. When you put a label on the action, that is judgment. And the human instinct, when we feel judged? To get defensive.
3. No Bringing Up The Past
It’s very tempting, during an argument, to build your case for you being right and your partner being wrong. This may mean you bring up incidents from the past that your partner just wants to forget. You’ll never move forward if you keep stock of every bad thing that happened in the past – that’s for certain.
4. Avoid the words Always and Never
“Always” and “never” are emotional-based words that can make an accusation sound so much worse: “You’re always forgetting things!”, and so on. These two words never create good communication. It simply makes people defensive, which will end up escalating an argument.
5. No Hitting Below The Belt
You know your partner better than anyone else – and equally, they know you better than anyone else. You know your partner’s fears and sensitive points, and the things that really get them going. You shouldn’t use these sensitive points in an argument, no matter how upset you are. This can break trust, and it’ll be much harder to rebuild that trust going forward.
There you have it: 5 things you should never do in an argument with your partner.
If this article proved helpful, there’s plenty more where that came from on Mat’s channel. You can start by watching the video this article was based on, shared below.
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