Ok, let’s get something straight – we understand why people text their exes. And there can be all sorts of reasons, including the desire to apologize to them.
But the thing is, if you were the jerk in a relationship and they’re better off without you, the last thing they really need is to hear from you.
That’s what these 15 people realized once they tried to text their ex:
1. Bummer for you
Regret on your part does not constitute a problem on my part. Keep that thought in reserve for when your ex reaches out next time they’re lonely.
2. No water for the thirsty
Yes, report that ex as junk! New life, new standards.
3. See you never
‘Cause she knows better. There is no such thing as a casual check-in at 9 am from a married man!
4. I don’t exactly hate you, but…
Well, let’s see. You on fire + me with water = too bad for you. How’s that for hate math?
5. When there are no words
Do not pass go. Don’t even try. Just let it go!
6. No more mooching
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news. They love Netflix more than you.
7. Right back ‘atcha
All shook up over the breakup? And who’s fault is that again?
8. Always and forever
How long do they plan on living? ‘Cause that’s not long enough of a breakup for this ex.
9. Not even a distant memory
Awww, all that time spent crafting the perfect apology letter was wasted. This ex is already over it.
10. You are the dictionary definition of nope
Not gonna happen. And here’s a definition of “nope” from the dictionary, just in case you get any ideas.
11. LOL, loser
For goodness sake! Stop texting women that aren’t your wife!
12. This is not ok logic
It doesn’t matter if you went on a date. Doing the deed with her bestie is still cheating!
13. My mama
Instead of “your mama,” it’s “my mama” jokes! And these jokes are just as funny.
14. Looking good
It looks like the ex was the problem and letting go of that baggage was just the makeover she needed. And to top it off, it’s free!
15. Cheers mate!
Here’s to many more years of dumping you! What a great anniversary to celebrate. Do they make a card for that?
***
In case you didn’t get the hint, your ex probably doesn’t want to hear from you if you acted like a jerk in the past. MAYBE an apology could be in order, but not one that comes with a request to get back together. In fact, if they are better off without you, just let the time pass.
It’s over, buddy.
Now, if you want to see how rambling texts from exes really sound, scroll down below to hear Ellen read some real doozies!
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